Do you have a hard time "turning it off?"

I know. I get it. I'm a high performer. I'm a leader. I'm an entrepreneur. The old joke about entrepreneurs is that we get to work half days...9am-9pm.

I'm a mom, a wife, a homemaker, a daughter, a friend, a teacher, a community member, an aunt, a coach, and I prefer to be good at all of these roles.

But, what I've learned is that if I don't take the time and space to "do me," I  don't enjoy these roles as much as I'd like to nor the tasks that come along with them. And then, at the end of the day, I wonder...."What's the point?" And too many days stacked up like that turns into a lifetime of looking back and wondering, "What was I doing all that for anyway?"

I prefer not to have, "she worked a lot and kept a clean house, but was miserable" as my legacy on my gravestone or what my children remember about me. 

And even though most of the people I work with prefer not to have this as their legacy either, it's a challenge to figure out how to break out of the cycle of go-go-go, do- do-do, more-more-more. It's hard to "turn it off."

I had to learn how to turn it off. 

I was in chronic pain from running myself ragged my whole life and I couldn't go on like that anymore. 

This. I was this.
"The need to be BUSY all the time is a trauma response and fear-based distraction from what you'd be forced to acknowledge and FEEL if you slowed down." - Lisa Nichols 

Now, I'm not going to lie, it still takes a conscious effort for me to give myself permission to turn it off. To take a nap. To veg out. To do nothing and just be. To be present with my husband. To be present with my kids. To be present with myself. For the most part, I now love my work, and that's awesome -- I just want to make sure I also have checks and balances on it along with the other areas of my life. Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing a few strategies that have helped me get better at doing this. 

The first one is what I like to call...

"Structuring My Flow"

What do I mean by this? I mean quite literally structuring time in my calendar where all that is happening is that I am in flow state. Flow state can take several forms. For some people it is walking their dog, for some it is going for a run, for some it is yoga, journaling, rock climbing. For me it is writing, it is yoga, it is connecting with the women in my leadership group, it is bouncing on the trampoline with my kids. I call it "structuring my flow" because you've got to carve out the time and space (structure) first in order to fully allow yourself to get in flow state.

I'm sorry, but in this day and age, we have too many things pulling at us, competing for our attention, and draining our minds and bodies. Unless we get crystal clear on what we want and need for ourselves and we are willing to put a stake in the ground and claim it....life is going to keep coming at us and dictating where we put our energy. 

Here is an example of what a week on my calendar looks like far enough out in advance that I don't have much else on it yet. You want to structure your flow in a consistent way and do so far enough in advance that you can hold that time as sacred. Consider these sacred boundaries that nothing...and I mean nothing gets to interfere with.

Now, if you have all types of mental blocks popping up here, this is good to notice. For example, here are common mental blocks I hear from people and that I experienced at first too: 

  • "I have kids. I can't take that kind of time for myself." 
  • "My husband would never let me be away from the kids for that long." 
  • "My wife will throw a fit if I suggest taking that kind of time for myself." 
  • "I'm a realtor. I have to be on for my clients all the time." 
  • "There's no way I could get away for that long."
  • "My job requires me to work 60, 70, 80 hours per week."

If any of these statements resonate for you, the first thing is to simply notice that this has been your thought pattern. And if your thoughts are stuck in these types of mantras, most likely your life is going to stay stuck here too.

If nothing changes, then nothing changes. So the first thing we're going to need to work on changing is your thoughts. After that, we may need to work on getting you ready to have a conversation with your spouse, your kids, or your boss that is out of your comfort zone, but is absolutely necessary if you are serious about creating a healthier, sustainable you.

If this is something you would like to explore further, I invite you to join me for a private coaching session so that I can hear about your specific circumstances. Use this link to sign up now: https://www.betsykcoaching.com/coaching_$50

 

10% of your coaching session will go to the George Floyd Memorial Fund...because when each of us betters ourselves, we all do better.   

Live Your Light,

Betsy 

Fulfillionaire Facilitator, Educational Psychologist, Inspirational Speaker

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