One of our favorite aspects of coaching is the moment when people DECIDE that they are going to try something new. It's a big deal for most people to get out of their comfort zones, take a risk, and approach a part of their lifestyle differently.
We've found that this is particularly true in the area of romantic relationships. What's often the case is that one person wants to try something new, but they hesitate to present the idea to their partner because:
1) they don't want to bring up the conversation
2) they are fairly certain that their partner will scoff at the idea, shoot them down, complain, or otherwise reject them
And then, rather than trying something new within the current partnership, many people stray and find this spark outside of their monogamous relationship.
If you are the person in your relationship who has reached your turning point and is ready to try something new, but you're not sure if your partner would go along, here are a few conversation starters that have worked well for other couples:
--"I watched BLANK and it looked kind of cool. I'm wondering if you'd be interested in trying it with me?"
--"I read about BLANK and I think it looks interesting. I thought of you and I, and I'm wondering if you'd like to try it together."
"If your relationship is relatively new, you might ask something like:
"I'm interested in trying BLANK. Have you ever done anything like this with anyone before? Would you be interested in trying it with me?"
The kicker is that you need to be prepared for whatever their response may be. If they say, "Yes", then YAY! praise and reinforce them for that verbally and physically!
If they say, "No", remember that a "No" right now doesn't necessarily mean a "No" forever. Perhaps they need more details, time to think about it, or you've caught them at a bad time. Practice getting "curious rather than furious." Ask them something like, "if I gave you more details or some time to think about it and asked you again in a month, would you be open to having another conversation about it?"
If you are truly unhappy in your relationship and you know deep down that you need some variety to keep it alive, speak that to them confidently and clearly so that they understand the gravity of where you are at.
And of course, depending on what it is & how it will impact the relationship, there is always the option to try new things on your own if your partner declines the invitation to try new things with you. Tyler and I have had many, many instances where we feel like we need some type of newness or personal growth that the other is not interested in. You can say something like, "I would prefer that we try this together, AND if you're not interested, I'm going to pursue it on my own." Sometimes you taking the lead will cause them not to want to miss out and they'll choose to join in.
The key of course is always communication, communication, communication. Clear, open, honest communication is not easy and it typically hasn't been something directly taught or modeled for us. We're here to help with that if you need it.
If you'd like to give our Couples Connection course a try as that new thing that sparks up your relationship, go for it here! As always, we offer a 30 day money back guarantee, so there is really very little risk.
And remember, you having the courage to try something new will provide an opportunity for others who are at a critical turning point to make their lives healthier too. Through Valentine's Day, 10% of the proceeds will go to this amazing organization that helps support survivors of sexual and domestic abuse. Because when each of us commits to being better, it creates the spark for all of us to become better.
TESTIMONIAL: “Thank you Tyler and Betsy for the wonderful Couples Connection Course! Jason and I really got a lot of value from the information you shared and took away some great ideas on keeping the spark alive in our relationship. We definitely recommend it to anyone looking to enhance and take their connection to the next level. We look forward to receiving our love letters and implementing the simple strategies you provided into our daily lives.” –Heather & Jason, River Falls, WI
Cheers to more relationship fulfillment in 2021!
Tyler & Betsy
write: [email protected]
Meet: Click HERE to set up a FREE 30 minute consultation!