I had a setback this week that hit me like a punch to the gut. I'm not going to bore you with the details of it, but let me just say, I'm up writing this blog post at 3:30 am because this setback is weighing on my mind. It sucked.
Phase 1 of dealing with setbacks usually looks something like this:
1. Curl up in a ball and throw myself a pity party
2. Reach out to get perspective from my most trusted sounding board friends
3. Move through the "I hate everything about the world and everything is terrible and wrong" angst and disappointment phase
Once I've done that I can move to the other side. And here is my take-away from this particular setback. The most important belief that I have about life is that everything is always, ALWAYS working out for me. Even when it doesn't feel like it. Even when it sucks a big butt and is hard and disappointing and exhausting and seems hopeless.
How can I believe this and live this way? Because I derive my sources of inspiration and passion for life from 2 places: Pleasure AND pain.
When I'm feeling inspired through pleasure, I get clear vision. I create. I write. I speak. I spread the love. It's airy-fairy, aspirational, and dreamy. When I'm riding these highs most people think I'm nuts and out of touch with reality. And I'm okay with that. This used to make me self conscious, but more and more I'm realizing that the true craziness is NOT ALLOWING yourself to go to those aspirational places more often and instead settling for feeling stuck and miserable with the status quo.
When I'm feeling inspired through pain, I'm realizing that interestingly...this is the fuel source that gives it all power. This is when I truly dig in, find my confidence, my tenacity, my grit, my clarity, and I ground all of that airy-fairy creative stuff into my body and use it to serve something that is bigger than myself. Allowing myself to actually feel the pain...be in it...not try to stuff or avoid it...reminds me of how hard the human experience can be and what my role and purpose is in it all.
I have daily demands, challenges, roadblocks, and setbacks just like everyone else. And the reason why everything always works out for me is because I believe that everything is always working out for me. And when I have this belief structure, this paradigm, this mindset...then everything always HAS to work out for me.
Through the free will of thought....by choosing to think this way, my feelings about my life move me in the direction that I want to go, and then I behave in ways that will get me there.
When you think this way long enough, you engage with life differently. And eventually out of these habitual thought and feeling patterns, you recognize that you are in the driver's seat of your own life because you always get to CHOOSE the meaning you make of things.
So, what does a fulfillionaire do when it seems like everything is going wrong:
1. Curl up in a ball and throw yourself a crying pity party. Don't hide or minimize or stuff it from yourself. (honestly, tears are scientifically shown to be super healthy in terms of releasing emotional toxins)
2. Reach out to get perspective from trusted sounding board friends (and if you don't have any, reach out to me and let's get you connected in with the fulfillionaire community)
3. Give yourself grace and permission to move through the "I hate everything about the world and myself" angst and disappointment phase (I advise weight lifting, hitting a punching bag, or some form of physical outlet during this part)
And finally, try using the mantra, "everything is always working out for me." Say it over and over to yourself until you can feel yourself beginning to believe it. And once you hit that plateau, then ask yourself, "if everything is always working out for me, then how is what is happening to me right now actually of service? What is becoming clear right now? Who do I feel more compassion for in this moment? If everything is always working out for me, how can I use this experience as fuel for what I want to move toward?" And then...just listen for the answers. They'll come.
Live Your Light,
Fulfillionaire Facilitator, Educational Psychologist, Inspirational Speaker